Funny Pati and Patni 
Pati:mehman ko khana dia magar chamach kiu nahi dia?

Patni:voi paa karke.

Pati:kasko voi pa kar.

Patni:usko chamach hai ye jodi samajh jayee iss lyee. 

Funny Hindi Pati Patni Joke 
Patni:tumhare paas koi arman pesh kar gaya to tum bola paysa nahi hai.

Pati:keyaa nahi di tumko? To jo tumko dena parega uski paas jao na. 

Pati Patni Joke 
Patni:meine Babaki ghar mein kitni sukhi tha,tumare ghar a kar meri jiban ses ho gaya.

Pati: keyaa hua?

Patni:keyaa nahi hua? Tumhre pas meine ek diamond ki neckless chaha magar tumhare iss month par pocket khali… 

Funny Husband and Wife Marriage Joke 
Ek din ek busstand me vul kar yatri log gaitlok samajh kar
Local gari me uth gaya, gari to rukh rukh kar jata hay
Yatri:keya hua bhai gari to rukh rukh kar jata hay kiu?
Helper: yeh to local hai..
Yatri: local aur gatelock yeh to tum log dega us lie yatri log samassa mein parega kiun? 

Funny Joke in Hindi 
Swami: basar rat mein uski wife ko 100 rs. De kar sorry bola, mujhe bhul ho gaye, sab samay deta hu to habit ho gaya.
Patni: tum to mujhko rupee de rahe ho, mein to mere cousin ko free dia. 

Hindi Husband and Wife Joke 
Husband ek rat kagaj mein likh kar rakha 7 am par mujhe jara dak dena
Wife woh dekh kar likha: already 7am. Baj gaya. 

Marriage Joke Hindi 
Husband:  Agar tumhe kuch ho gaya to mein pagal ho jaaunga.

Wife: Doosri shaadi to nahin karogey na ?

Husband:  Pagal ka kya hai, o kuch bhi kar sakta hai 

Cat and Wife Joke 
Santa banta  Se Puchha Ki-Tum agli  Janam Me Kya Ban’na chaho gi?

banta-” A Billi”
Why?

Because  Meri Wife Sirf billi Se Hi Darti Hai 

Marriage Joke in Hindi 
kya larki thi...
Shohar: Kal mere khuab main ek larki aai thi,
Wah! kya larki thi.

Bibi: Akeli he aai hogi?

Shohar: Tumko kese pata:

Bibi: Uska husband mere khuab main
tha. 

Marriage Joke 
Pyar b ajab shay he

Maa se payar hota hai to Ebadat
Baap se payar hota hai  to Muqadas
Bhai se payar hota hai  to Aqidat
Didi  se payar hota hai ho to Farz
&
Wife  se payar  hota hai  to
sab kehte hen k SALA BIWI ka GHULAM H     hain 

Husband and Wife 
Wife:  Ma bachunga nahi  Marr jaongi...

Husband   : Mein bhi Marr jaon ga!

Wife :  Mein to Bimaar hoon isleya marr jaungi  tum kyon maro gaey ?

Husband :  Mein itni Khushi Bardasht nahi kar sakta ! 

Marriage 
Beta papa ko pucha: papa sadi kana ma kitna  kharch hota hai
Papa na bola : mujee pata nahi hay beta !
May abibhi  uska lia pay karta hoo .

Hindi Marriage Joke 
Shaadi karne ki baad aur shaadi karne ki aage

1. tumhare baat kokil ki tarah hai.
dhat,kan ki kach me ghanor ghanor nahi karna

2. biswas karo, meine tumko bina nahi reh parunga.
har baat me tum tumhari bap ki baari jane ke baat nahi karna, jao na tumko koun rokha hai?

3. tumko liee maine hajar saal bachna parunga.
uff, tumhare sansar mein mere jiban ekbare biss ho gaya.
 
Aapko dhund raha hai

4. future ki baat soch kar ek  moment par aap crore paysa kharcha kar sakti hai.
Aapko dhund raha hai Political dall ne(Aapko election par khare karne ke liee).

5. onle ek abul biri ke liee aap ek aadmi ki hatma kar sakti hai.
Aapko dhund raha hai RAB(dunia ki narak dekhne ke liee).

6. aapki do haat mein kharach karna paroge?
Aapko dhund raha hai ladkione.

7. keyaa aap ek palak par jo vi opokarm karna parte hai?
Aapko dhund raha hai Police force. 

Hindi Husband and Wife Marriage Joke 
Bibi:kyeaa hua tumko aj bohot khus najar a raha hai?
Pappu:nahi kuch nahi. Tum bahar ja rahe ho iss lyee
Bibi: uss lyee tumhare khus hone se kyeaa irada hai.
Pappu: meri ek dawat hai meine vi uha jaunga. Tum agar bahar jaoge tab maine bahar jane parunga na!!! 

Funny Wife Joke 
Bibi:jiban par maine koi punno kia tha us liee tumhare tarah pati mila.
Swami:aur mere liee wo paap ki sasti hai 

Hilarious Husband and Wife 
Pati:kaha ja rahe ho?

Patni: Jahannam par.

Pati: Thank you,jao. 

Hindi Marriage and Pati Patni Jokes

Funny husband Wife Hindi Joke 
Patni:-sharab peen eke baad kya tumhe mera naam bhi yaad nahin rehta?
Pati:-pee lene ke baad to main har gam bhool jata hoon,meri jaan.

Nai nai car chalana sikhi biwi:aaj hum car se jaenge aur car main chalaungi.
Pati:-kon nahin,jaenge car main aur aaenge akhbaar main.

Pati patni College Joke 
     Patni – Collage ke bare me tumhara koi bura anubhav hai?
    Pati – Han, Tumhari aur meri paheli mulakat college me he to hui thi.

Pati patni Sms Joke 
Patni:- main tumse jo kuch bhi kahti hu tum ek kaan se sunkar doosre se nikaal dete ho.
Pati:-aur main tumse kuch bhi kahta hu to tum dono kaan se sunkar muh se nikaal deti ho.

Funny Pati patni Joke 
Pati:-main jeevan main aaj jo kuch bhi bana hoon,apne aap bana hoon.
Patni:-lo, main aaj tak bekar hi bhagwaan ko kosti rahi.

Pati patni Sms 
Patni:-kyon jab main moti hojaaungi,tab bhi tum mujhe aise hi pyaar karoge?
Pati:-bilkul nahin, maine sirf such dukh main saath dene ka vaada kiya tha.

Pati Patni Joke 
patni : suno ji, bus me aapko logo neitna kyon mara?
pati : Are mera ek photo bus main ek aurt ke pair ke niche gir gaya tha aur mene kaha
madam zara saree uper kijiye photo lena hai…. 

Hindi Joke about Husband Wife 
Pati:-aaj main sabha pati banunga.
Patni:-khabardaar jo aap mere alawa kisi aur ke pati bane.

Pati patni Hindi Joke 
pati: Ghar ka saara keemti samaan kahin chhupa kar rakh do, padosi aa rahe hain.
patni: Kyonji ! kya Aapke dost chura lenge?
pati: are Nahin, who apna saaman pehchaan lenge.

Hindi Husband Wife Joke 
patni: Aap bahut mote ho gaye ho.
pati: Tum bhi to kitni moti ho gayi ho.
patni: Main to maa banne wali hoon!
pati: Main bhi to baap banne wala hoon

Cute wife joke 
     patni: “Aapne pichle saal salgireh pe mujhe lohay ka bed diya tha, Iss baar aapka kya iraada hai?”
pati: “Iss saal uss mein current chorne ka iraada hai.”

Funny husband Wife Sms 
Patni: -suno ji,aapko mujhme kya achcha lagta hai. meri samajhdari ya meri beauty.
pati: -mujhe to tumhari ye mazak karne ki aadat bahot pasand hai.

Funny Cute wife sms Joke 
Pati :- main tumhare saath kuch bhi share kar sakta hu.
Patni:-chalo phir bank account se start karte hain.

Funny Wife Sms 
Pati:-mere mrne ke baad tumhe mere jaisa doosra aadmi nahin milega.
Patni:- tumhe kisne keh diya, ki main doosra aadmi tumhare jaisa chahti hoon.

Husbands joke on marriage 
Patni:- main tumhare bina mar jaaungi.
Pati:-main bhi mar jaaunga. Itni khushi main bardasht nahin kar paaunga.

Funny relationship Hindi Joke 
Patni:- main tumhare bina mar jaaungi.
Pati:-main bhi mar jaaunga. Itni khushi main bardasht nahin kar paaunga.

Husband wife joke 
Pati:-mani abhi saree ka fanda banakar faansi laga loonga.
Patni:-kya gajab karte ho,nai saree hai.

Funny teasing joke 
Pati:-jab bhi main is talwaar ko dekhta hoon to mujhe ladai per jaane ka mann karta hai.
Patni:-to phir jaate kyon nahin?
Pati:-phir unki tooti hui taang yaad aa jaati hai.

Husband wife joke in Hindi 
Husband wife ki godi me leta hua tha,
Wife – kesa lag raha he ji?
Husband- jese visnu bhagwan shesnaag ki god me lete ho.

Pati Patni Hindi Joke 
Ek makeup sacheton lady ne mritu kaal par uski pati se daka.
Pati:bolo tumhara antim issa keya hai?
Patni:mere marne ke bad meri sundar tasbir akhbar pe chapne par mere age math  likhna.
Pati:kiun?
Patni:kiun ki log ye jan jayega ke meine budhi ho gaya tha. 

Hindi Jokes

indi Jokes is the funniest collection of hilarious short jokes in Hindi, Hindi jokes in English and santa banta jokes which are both entertaining to read and good timepass. Enjoy and have a jolly time reading these best Hindi jokes and short joke collection which will give you lots of good and happy times.
Hindi Jokes will leave you in splits and laughing out loud and will provide lots of fun time and they are good for timepass when you are bored or providing relief from stress from everyday life full of tension.

Hindi Jokes 
Teacher: OXFORD matlab kya hai?
Student: OX matlab bail, FORD matlab Gaadi. to OXFORD matlab bail gaadi


Teacher: raju, tum kis liye college aate ho?
Student: vidya ke khaatir
Teacher: toh ab so kyu rahe ho?
Student: aaj vidya nahi aayi hai sir


Pati: mere marne ke baad, kyaa tum doosri shaadi karogi?
Patni: nahi. main apni behan ki saath rahungi. aap?
Pati: main bhi tumhaare behan ke saath rahunga


1st wife: tumhaara sharaabi pati roz peekar ghar aata hai na. tum poochti kyu nahi ho.
2nd wife: main poochi thi. lekin unhone mujhe diyaa nahi.


Doctor: aap dariye mat. main hoo na.
Patient: wahi mera sabse bada dar hai doctor.


Patient: Doctor, yeh mera pehla operation hai. thoda dhyaan se karna.
Doctor: dara mat. yeh mera bhi pehla operation hai

Doctor: is dawaa ko ek hafte main poora karo aur baad main aake milo.
Patient: teek hai doctor
(ek hafte ke baad)
Doctor: dawaa khatam huaa kya?
Patient: nahi doctor.
Doctor: kyu nahi?
Patient: usme likhaa thaa ke, bottle ko hamesha bandh rakhe
Funny Hindi Jokes 
1st beggar: arey, tum kyu us cinema poster ko aise gur rahe ho?
2nd beggar: main hee is cinema ka producer hoo


Beggar: 10 rupaiya dedo saab. girlfriend ko phone karni hai.
Saab ka girlfriend: dekho, bhikaari bhi apni girlfriend ko kitna pyar karta hai.
Beggar: nahi memsaab, use pyar karne ke baad hee main bhikaari ban gayaa


Maalik: arey, tune 500 saal puraani ghadi thod dee hai.
naukar: bach gaya saab, main to samjha yeh nayaa hai


Ramu: Sir, mere ghar mein TV chodke baaki sabki chori hogayi hai?
Police: chor ne sirf TV kisliye chodaa hoga?
Ramu: mujhe kya pataa sir? main us samay TV mein serial dekh rahaa thaa
Jokes in Hindi 
Autowaala: sorry sir, meter daalna bhool gaya.
santa: problem nahi hai. main bhi apna purse bhool aaya. chodo


Car chalaataa huaa Santa ko road mein "ACCIDENT ZONE" ka board dikhaa. isliye santa ne sochaa:
"Yeh log accident zone mein kyu road banaate hai?"


Ek kadvaa sach :-)
Behan ki friend behan ho sakti hai,
Bhai ka friend Bhai ho sakta hai,
lekin wife ka friend wife nahi ban sakti


suma: maa, raju ne mujhe kiss de diyaa
maa: haan kya? rukho main poochti hoo.
suma: nahi maa. tum poochoge to woh nahi degaa


Paagal 1: main Taj Mahal ko kareedh loonga
Paagal 2: main use abhi bhech nahi rahaa hoo


Customer: yeh kya offer hai? TV liya to 10 kerchief free!!!
Salesman: TV serials dekhne ke baad aapki aansoo ponchne ke liye


Boy: kal maine tumhaare ghar gaya tha. lagta hai hamaari shaadi nahi hogi.
girl: kyu? pappa se mile the kya?
Boy: nahi, tumhaare behan se milaa tha


Manager: hamaare bank mein hum aapko binaa interest ke loan denge.
customer: arey, jab dena hai to thoda haste haste dona. agar dene mein interest nahi hai, to mat do
Doctor Patient Hindi Jokes 
Doctor: aapko isse pehle kabhi heart attack hua thaa kya?
Patient: haa doctor, bichle baar jab aap bill diye the

Nurse: udhaas kyu baite ho sir?
Doctor: dopahar jiska operation kiya tha, woh mar gaya.
Nurse: arey woh to post mortem tha.
Doctor: to main subah kiska post mortem kiyaa tha


Patient: Doctor, kya aapko yakeen hai ke mujhe cancer hai. kyunki ek baar kisi doctor ne

cancer ka ilaaj karte the aur patient TB se mar gaya.
Doctor: gabraao nahi... agar main ilaaj karungaa to tum sirf cancer se hi maroge.

Doctor: sharaab peena haanikaarak hai. is vichaar main mujhe aapse baath karni hai.
Patient: theek hai doctor. sham ko moonlight bar mein milenge.


Doctor: aapke pati ko zyaada rest ki zaroorat hai. yeh sleeping tablets leejiye.
Wife: unko yeh kab dena hai doctor?
Doctor: yeh unke liye nahi, aapke liye hai :-)

Doctor: dekhiye, yeh bimaari khaandaani hai. aapke daadaaji se shuru hui hai.
Patient: bach gaya!!! tab aap yeh operation mere daadaaji ko hee keejiye.

Patient: Doctor, meri beti ko aajkal kuch sunaayi nahi deti hai
Doctor: kya? tumhe 5 din se bukhaar hai aur tum abhi aa rahe ho!

Wife: doctor ji, mere pati neend mein baat karna shuru kardiye hai. kya karu?
Doctor: din mein unko baat karne kaa mouka deejiye.


Doctor: roz hotel mein khaane se hee aapko ulcer hui hai?
Patient: to aaj se mein ghar ko parcel leke jaaunga


Patient: doctor, mujhe 3 mahine se khaasi hai.
Doctor: itne din kyu chup the?
Patient: chup kaun tha doctor. main to khaas rahaa tha.


Doctor: operation ke baad ab sab teek hai. tum sab kuch sun sakte ho.
Patient: aapne kuch bola kya?


Doctor: aap dariye mat. main hoo na.
Patient: aap rahenge. lekin main rahoonga kya?

Doctor: tum abhi 2 ganto main mar jaanewaale ho. kya tumhaara koi aakhri khwaaish hai?
Patient: Haanji, ek achche doctor ko consult karna hai
Hilarious Jokes in Hindi 
Public to Santa: us rowdy ke vajah se hum pareshaan hai. use haamare area se bhagaane ka koi tareeka bataao?
Santa: aasaan hai, use election mein khadaa karke MLA banaa do. agle 5 saal tak woh tumhaare area ki taraf nahi aayega.


Ramu: tum kaunsi soap use karte ho?
Banta: Main Santa Soap, Santa Paste aur Santa Shampoo use karta hoo
Ramu: wo kya international brand hai kya?
Banta: nahi, santa mera room mate hai.


Santa: tumhaara beta bilkul tumhaara jaisa hi dikhtaa hai.
Banta: dheere se bol... woh padosi ka beta hai

Santa: agar electricity nahi hota to kya hota?
Banta: raat mein candle light mein TV dekhna padta tha


Driver: Poora petrol khatam ho gayi hai. ab aage nahi bad sakte.
Santa: teek hai, gaadi reverse lo aur ghar vaapas chalo


Santa: Tumhe kyu arrest kiya gayaa hai?
banta: maine 50 rupaye ka chillar diya. isliye.
santa: usme kya galti hai?
banta: maine chillar mein do 25 rupaye ka note diyaa tha :-)


Santa: "impossible" shabd mere dictionary mein nahi hai
Banta: arey yaar, ab bataake kyaa faayda. dictionary lete samay check karlenaa thaa na


Examiner santa se: yeh kya hai? tumne khaali paper kyu diye ho?
Santa: kyunki neatness ke liye 5 marks hai, isliye


Santa: maine apni shaadi kaa aamantran patra bejaa thaa na? kyu nahi aaya?
Banta: lekin mujhe koi patra nahi milaa
Santa: arey yaar, maine usme likha thaa na. patra nahi milaa to bhi, zaroor aane ke liye!!!


Santa: bhaisaab, yahaa se mumbai kitna door hai?
Vyakti: 400 km.
Santa: baap re, mujhe aaj hi vaapas lautnaa hai. mumbai se yahaa tak kitnaa door hai?
Pati Patni Hindi Jokes 
Patni: swamiji ne kahaa ke swarg mein pati patni ko saath rehne nahi dete hai
Pati: isiliye usae swarg kehete hai :-)

1st Man: shaadi ke baad main lakhpati ban gaya.
2nd Man: use kyu itnaa udhaas bol rahe ho?
1st Man: usse pehle mein crorepati tha


Pati: aaj sunday hai aur aish karna. movie ke liye 3 ticket laayaa hoon.
Patni: teen kyu?
Pati: tumhe aur tumhaare maata pitaa ke liye.


Patni: agar main mar jaaungi, to aap royenge kya?
Pati: ab kya has rahaa hoo kya?


Patni: dekhoji, hamaare shantabai ki pati, usko khush rakhne ke liye, har hafte movie pe le jaate hai. aap kyu nahi karte ho aise?
Pati: arey, maine bhi shantabai ko movie ke liye bulaaya. lekin usne manaa kardi. isme meri kya galti hai?
Husband and Wife Hindi Jokes 
Wife: jab aap chashma utaarte ho, bahut handsome dikte ho.
Husband: haa dear, jab main chashma utaarta hoo, tum bhi bahut khoobsoorat dikti ho


Wife: suniye, hum is hafte poora cinema dekhenge, agle hafte poora shopping karenge.
Husband: uske baad ke hafte poora mandir jaayenge
Wife: kyu?
Husband: bheek maangne ke liye


Husband: agar operation mein mujhe kuch hua to tum us doctor se hi shaadi kar lena.
Wife: aise kyu bol rahe ho?
Husband: usse badla lene ka doosra tareeka nahi hai.

Wife: aji, koi peeche mere pair choo rahaa hai.
Husband: peeche mud ke apna chehra dikha, woh choonaa bandh kar dega


Wife: aapse milne doctorji aaye hai
Husband: mujhe bukhaar hai. unhe kal aane ke liye bolo

Husband: tum khaana bahut achchi banaati ho
Wife: tum jitna bhi maska lagaao, khaana tumhe hee banaanaa padega
School Jokes in Hindi 
Teacher: agar shabd pradooshan kam karna hai to kya karna hai?
Student: hamaare kaan bandh kar leni hai.

Teacher: varthamaan, bhoot aur bhavishyat kaal ke udhaaharan do
Student: Madam, kal maine aapki beti ko dekha, aaj main usse pyar kar rahaa hoo aur kal usse shaadi karungaa.
Teacher Student School Hindi Jokes 
Principal: class ko der kyu pahunche?
Student: sir, gaadi puncture ho gaya tha
Principal: to tumhe bus mein aana tha
Student: socha tha sir, lekin aapki beti sunti hi nahi ha


Anpad baap: jaise bhi ho, 4 saal ka apna padaai pooraa kardiye. aage kya karoge?
Beta: ji, arrears naam ka ek course hai, use pooraa karna hai.


Teacher: tumhaare aur harish ka answers ek jaise hai. woh kaise?
Student: kyunki question ek hi tha na masterji, isliye :-)


Teacher: Tumhaara Maa kaa naam kya hai?
LKG student: Mummy


Teacher: 5 mark lekar bhi tum has kyu rahe ho?
Student: main yeh soch raha hoo ke woh 5 marks kaise mila :-)


Teacher: agar aise hee padte rahoge, zindagi mein kuch nahi banoge.
Student: jab zindagi mein kuch nahi banunga, tab main bhi ek teacher ban jaaunga sir.


Teacher: jisko kaan sunaayi nahi deta hai, aap use kya bulaate hai?
Santa: kuch bhi bulaa sakte hai. kyunki use sunaayi nahi detaa hai na.


Teacher: duniya ke sabse puraana praani kaunsi hai?
Student: zebra hai sir
Teacher: kaise:
Student: kyunki, woh black and white hai na


Teacher: tumhaara homework kyu tumhaare pitaa ke handwriting main hai?
Student: maine unka pen use kiyaa thaa sir


Teacher: bachcho, agar man se praarthanaa kare to bhagwan aapki kwaaish poora karenge.
Student: woh sab jhoot hai sir.
Teacher: kyu?
Student: agar woh sach hota to, ab tak aap doosre school chale jaate


Teacher: jeene ke liye Oxygen zaroori hai. ise 1773 mein aavishkaar kiye.
Pappu: baap re bach gaya!! agar usse pehle paida hota to main mar jaata


Teacher: Akbar kaun tha?
Student: pata nahi sir.
Teacher: padaai ke taraf dyaan do, pataa chalegaa
Student: Aap battayiye. Suresh kaun hai?
Teacher: pata nahi.
Student: apni beti ki taraf dyaan dijiye, pata chalega.


Teacher: 4+3=7 aur 5+4=9, ab tum bataao 45+5 kitna hua?
Student: Kya sir? aasaan sawaalo ka jaavaab aap de diye aur mushkil savaal mujhse kar rahe ho
Jokes in Hindi 
Santa: main shaadi karke khush rahna chaahtaa hoo.
Banta: arey yaar, mazaak mat karo. hasne ki mood nahi hai.


Santa apne bete ko: is baar agar exam mein fail huaa, to mujhe pitaji mat bulaana.
kuch din ke baad,
Santa: result ka kya hua?
Santa ka beta: sorry santa


Santa: main england jaane ke baare mein soch rahaa hoon.
Banta: bahut paise kharch hoga na.
Santa: nahi banta, sochne ke liye paise kyu?


Santa aur banta ko 500 ka ek note milaa.
Santa: hum ise 50-50 karlenge
Banta: baaki 400 kaa kya karoge?


Santa: kahaa gayaa thaa yaar?
Banta: girlfriend ke saath movie dekhne
Santa: kitna kharchaa huaa?
Banta: 500 Rs
Santa: itnaa huaa kya?
Banta: kya karu? uske paas itnaa hee thaa yaar



Santa: kelaa kitna hai?
Dukaanwala: 1 Rupay
Santa: 60 paise mein doge kya?
Dukaanwala: itne me to sirf kele kaa chilkaa hi milegaa
Santa: to 40 paise leke sirf kelaa dedo


Santa: padosi se hatouda maang leke aanaa zara
Banta: maangaa thaa, lekin nahi diye
Santa: log bahut laalchi bangaye hai. chalo, hamaara hatouda leke aao jaldi


Santa: police ne tumhe kyu arrest kiya?
Banta: maine purse se paise nikhaal ke kharchaa kar diyaa thaa
Santa: baap re!! is liye bhi arrest karte hai kya?
Banta: purse kisi aur kaa thaa yaar
Funniest Hindi Jokes 
Santa: mera beta meri baat sunta hi nahi hai
Banta: kyu? itna gamandi hai kya?
Santa: nahi. woh behara hai


Santa: tumne us aadmi ko aisa kyu maara?
Banta: usne mujhe poocha ke "Khaana khaaye kya"?
Santa: arey, bhala hi poocha hai na. phir kyu maara?
Banta: main toilet mein baita tha


Santa: mera beta raat bhar book ke saamne hee baita rahta hai.
Banta: lekin phir bhi woh fail kyu huaa?
Santa: wah book 'facebook' tha, isliye


Santa: main apni wife ko bahut pyar karta hoo. tum?
Banta: woh to tumhaari wife hai. main kaise pyar kar sakta hoo?


santa ka beta: Sirji, jab aap paath padaate ho, to mujhe mere pitaa ki yaad aati hai.
Sirji: achchi baath hai. kisliye unki yaad aati hai?
santa ka beta: unko bhi aap hi ke jaise padaana nahi aata hai.


Santa nurse se bola: aapne mera dil churaa liyaa hai.
Nurse: hmmm... maine dil churaane se pehle doctor ne aapka kidney churaa liyaa hai



Santa: shaadi ke baad tumhaari jimmedaari badgayee hai kya?
Banta: haan yaar. pehle sirf mere liye khaana pakaana tha. ab mere biwi ke liye bhi pakaanaa pad rahaa hai.
Santa aur Wife Hindi Joke 
Santa: tumhaari wife kyu hamesha gussa rahti hai?
Banta: maine galti se use bola tha ki "tum gusse main bhi bahut khoob lagti ho"
Santa Banta Jokes in Hindi 
Santa: pappa agar main exam pass karunga to kya doge?
Pappa: ek cycle dilaadoonga
Santa: agar fail hua to?
Pappa: 10 cycle dilaaunga
Santa: woh kyu?
Pappa: padhaai bandh karke cycle shop khol lo


Santa: navy mein kaam hai. karoge?
Banta: zaroor. kya kaam hai?
Santa: jab ship beech samundar mein ruk jaata hai, to tumhe peeche se use dakhelnaa hai


Police: aapki car ki accident kaise hua?
Santa: woh to mujhe bhi pata nahi hai sir. tab main so rahaa tha?


Santa ne apna cellphone leke dentist ke pass gaya tha. kyu?
kyunki use check karna tha ke uske cell mein bluetooth hai ki nahi.


Doctor: bantaji, khaane baad neend ki goliya lee na aapne.
Banta: uff!! khaane ke baad zor se neend aa raha tha to maine goli lena bhool gaya
Santa Banta Funny Hindi Jokes 
Santa ka ghoda kho gayaa tha aur waha bahut khush tha
Banta: arey, tumhaara ghoda kho gaya hai aur tum khush ho? jyu?
Santa: main is liye khush hoo ke jab vo kho gaya to main uske saath nahi tha. hota to main bhi kho jaata na!!!


Santa ki girlfriend: Ab hame jaldi shaadi kar leni chahiye.
Santa: achcha... lekin hame shaadi karega koun?


pappa: mummy kyu chup baithi hai?
santa: kuch nahi, mummy ne lipstick maangi thi, lekin maine fevistick de diya


Pappa: sunitha ko dekho, 1st class mein pass kee hai.
santa: haa, use dekhtaa rahaa to isiliye main fail ho gaya


Santa: waiter, ek coffee laana. kitna hai?
Waiter: 50 Rs.
Santa: saamnewaali dukhaan main to 50 ps hai
Waiter: woh xerox dukhaan hai sir
Santa Banta Hindi Jokes 
Banta: Santa, itna udhaas kyu baita hai?
Santa: yaar betting mein maine 2000 gavaa diyaa :-(
Banta: kaise?
Santa: India pe 1000 rupaiye ka bet lagaaya tha aur India ne match haar gaya
Banta: lekin 2000 kaise?
Santa: aaj us match ka highlights daale. India pe ummeed rakh ke phir 1000 dala tha.


Beta: Papa, aap engineer kaise bane?
Santa: uske liye bahut dimaag ka zaroorat padta hai.
Beta: haa pata hai, isiliye mujhe samajh mein nahi aa rahaa hai ke aap kaise engineer bane?


Boss: tumhe MS office pata hai?
Santa: agar address denge to main doond looonga sir


Santa: pata hai, bachpan mein mujhe ek bus ne zor se dakka maar diya tha.
Banta: baap re, tu mar gaya ke bach gaya?
Santa: mujhe yaad nahi hai. main tab 4 saal ka tha

Santa: sab log kyu bhaag rahe hai?
Banta: yeh race hai. jo jeetega use prize milega
Santa: agar sirf jeetnewaale ko prize milega to itne log kyu bhaaga rahe hai?

Hindi Husband Wife Jokes

Hindi Husband and Wife jokes is a crazy collection of jokes about marriages, pati and patni, saas and bahu jokes. Some of them are evergreen and apply to all times.
TV Vs. Biwi Joke in Hindi
Jitne channel Tv ke,
Utne nakhre Biwi ke,
Tv chalta hai remote se,
Biwi chalta hai Note se.
Wife Vs. Saali joke in Hindi
What is the difference between wife & saali?
Saali is Beauty,
Wife is duty,
Saali is passion,
Wife is tension,
Saali is patakha,
Wife is sayapa,
Saali is cool,
Wife is fool,
Saali is tuty-fruity,
Wife is qismat futi, Saali is fresh cake,
Wife is earth quake…
Hindi Wife - Begum Joke
Wife ko begum kyon kehte hai?
Ans: Kyonki shadi ke baad sare gum to husband
se hisse mein aate hai,
aur biwi Be-Gum ho jai Hai!!!
Hindi Husband Joke
Different roles of Man in life:
Sagai ke samay superman,
Shadi ke samay Gentleman,
10 saal baad watchman,
20 saal baad Doberman.
Who is Biwi Joke?
Biwi vo hoti hai jo,
Shaadi ke baad apne pati baad apne
pati kisari aadadto
kobadal deti hai,
aur baad me kehti hai ki,
"aap pehle jaise nahi rahe".
Shaadi Hindi Joke
Shadi ke pehle maine pyar kiya.
Shadi ke baad ye maine kya kiya?
Shadi ke pehle Dil to Pagal Hai.
Shadi ke baad dil to pahal tha!
"S" Hindi Joke
Hum ne zindagi ki shuruaaat 'S' se ki.
S se Suraj, S se Subah, S se Swagat, S se saaz, S se Sangeet.
Par Fir 'S' se Samay ne aisi karwat badli Ki 'S' se hamari Shadi ho gai.
Aur fir jeevan ka arth 'S' se Saans,
Sasural, Sala, Sali, Sasur aur 'Sankat' ho gaya.
Super Husband Wife Joke in Hindi
Sagai Hui... Shadi Hui...
Biwi Ghar Mein Aayi...
Ghar Swarg Ban Gaya...
Aur main "Swargwasi"...
Husband Vs. Wife Hindi Joke
Shaadi par wife boli:
Aaap mere prannath aur mein apke charno ki dasi.
Shaadi ke baad woh ho Gaya Charandas aur,
woh ho gayi prano ki pyaasi.
Poor Wife Joke
Wife: Shadi ke pehle to tum mujhe rof gift diya karte they,
ab kyun nahi dete?
Husband: Machhali pakdne ke baad bhi kya koi chara dalta hai!
Pati Patni Joke in Hindi
Patni: Kaash tum aise SMS hote jise
Main Zindagi bhar save karke rakhti!
Pati: Air kaash tum
aisi ringtone hoti jise
main har hafte badal sakta.
Hindi Stupid husband Joke
Wife: Main galti se khane ke saath rumal bhi kha gai
Husband: Konu baat nahi, apna bachcha aayega to "pagdi" pehan ke aayega!
Another Husband Vs. Wife Joke in Hindi
Husband apni Wife se (suhagraat ko):
Darling apna chand sa chehra to dikaho...
Chehra dekte hi husband bola:
Arey tumhare chehre par to kale dhabbe or gadde hai,
tumhare maa baap ne mujhe dhoka diya hai.
Wife: Darlin nayi khojo se chand ka yahi roop samne aaya hai.
Stupid Biwi Joke
Achii aur buri biwi mein kya farq hai?
Answer: Kya matlab?
Biwiyaan achii bhi hoti hai kya?!
Biwi Vs. Sali Joke
Biwi aur saali main kon zyada achi hoti hai?
Answer: Saali behtar hai.
Kaash woh biwi ke bagair mil sakti.
Watch Vs. Wife Joke
Whats the diff btween Watch and Wife?
Ek kharaab hoti hai to band ho jaati hai aur
doosri kharab hoti hai to chaloo ho jati hai
Hindi Joke
Wife: Agar main mar jaun to tum kya karoge?
Husband: Shayad main mar jaunga.
Wife: Kyon?
Husband: Kabhi kabhi zyada kushi janleva hoti hai.
Biwi Hindi Joke
Ek aadmi apni biwi ka antim sanskar karke ghar ja raha tha.
Achanak bijli chamki, badal garje,
jor se barish start ho gayi.
Dukhi aadmi: Lagta hai pahunch gay!
Marriage Broker Joke
Marriage Broker: Tumhe kaisi biwi chahiye?
Man: Mujhe chand jaisi biwi chahiye,
jo raat ko aaye aur subha chali jaye!
Another Husband and Wife Hindi Joke
Husband wife ki godh mein leta hua thaa.
Wife: Kaisa lag raha hai ji?
Husband: Aise jaise Bhagwan Vishnu shesh naag ki Godh mein lete hon.
Husband, Wife and Beggar Joke
A beggar- ‘Oh sundari ! Andha hoon.
Sawa paanch rupya de de..
“Husband said 2 his wife- De de, tujhe
sundari bola hai to har haal mein andha hai…”

Many Jokes

Dosti Friends Jokes in Hindi is a collection of hilarious jokes about friends, usually a conversation between two or three friends.

Funny Hindi Joke 
Friend us tarah ki relation hai haat aur aankh ke bich par,haat pairs jab aankh roti hay & jab aankh roti hai tab haat wide ho jati hai tears.
Hindi Friend Joke 
Tu nahi janta hai mein chotobela me helicopter se pada gaya tha
Friend: tu kiu mada nahi hai?
Us samay ki baat mujhe khayal nahi hai.
Hindi Joke 
Maine koi dhoni nahi hum agar mere ek rich mann hai, maine koi smart nahi hum agar mare smart demag hai,maine sab samay right nahi hu magar meine tumko dost banake nahi vul ki.
Hilarious Pat Patni Dost Joke 
Pati:mere marne ke baad tum Rafiq ko saadi karna.

Patni:meine kiu tumhare dost ko saadi karunga?...mere koi dost nahi hai?
Dost Joke 
Dost eksath baythe to kitni chaye khaya magar problem to rahe gaya.

hu dost, ulta mere diebetis bar gaya aur mere problem bar gaya.
Friends Joke in Hind 
1st friend: dost sach bolta hu,Jarina ke liee maine drink nahi karta hu.

2nd friend:Meine vi nahi,wasa ki pani pe durgandha hai iss liee paani ki sad mad par leeta hu.Sokhia ke baat kaun yaad rakhta hai?
Short Joke in Hindi 
Ek dost ne ek ladki ko dekh kar ek shayri bola-
Vaisob! Vaisob! Hamari sabki ek daabi hok-
Uss ladki ne tumhare vaabi hok.
Funny Hindi Friends Joke 
Ek pukur ke paas do dost khara raha tha

1st dost:ki re kitne dinse tum naha nahi?

2nd dost: khamokha mera dos dena nahi,ye pukur ki khusbu hai.
Dho Dost Hindi Joke 
Ripon aur Salam do dost. Ek khela par baazi dhor kar Salam har gaya aur uski baad-

Ripon:Dost,baazi ki shart par tu aj mujhko restaurant par dhokaoge.

Salam:Acca thik hai.

Aur uske baad Salam ek restaurant par Ripon ke le kar samne door se dhuka aur
Pichle door se bahar le ayaa!
Two Friends Joke in Hindi 
1st dost:Pehle kaha tha na ki India pe nahi ana,yha itni traffic jam ab kayse jaunga?

2nd dost:Aao gaan gai 'Gulistane aa kar humko asha fur gaya'.
Short Hindi Joke 
Habibko many times prokriti dak dia magar oh nahi uthna parti coz his friend
Jab saha nahi jata tab bola: dost prokriti kitni bar Miss call de rahi hai meine Call back
Karke ata hu.
Hindi Dosti Joke 
1st friend: dost mere man karti hai ke oh ladki kan me kam sunti hay.

2nd friend: keyse bujha?

1st friend: meine uski bola I love you aur oh bola meri juti jora new hai.

Top jokes

A little boy walks up to his father and says, "Dad, what does a pussy
   look like?"
   Father responds, "well son, before or after sex?"
   Son, "Well, before?"
   Father, "picture a tulip with all the petals son."
   Son, "well what about after?"
   Father, "Picture a bull dog eating mayonnaise!"

Young Amanpreet never quite got over his miserable 
childhood as an orphan in the ghetto.  When he turned 18 he
joined the Marines, but old habits die hard and one night the
sergeant found him rummaging around the garbage and eating
out of the discarded cans and jars.

"On your free, Lizard Pecker," he bellowed.  "You'll eat in 
the message hall -- you're no better than the rest of us!"

There's this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish
who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said,
"If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!" 

Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone
who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen."

This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the
priest died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest
arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.

The priest said, "You have to do something about the sidewalks in
town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about
having fallen." 

The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new
priest about the code word.

Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at
the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about, your
wife fell three times this week."

Guy goes to hell and is met by the devil, who explains that the 
punishments are changed every thousand years and he is to 
select his first punishment. 

First room has a young guy on the wall being whipped. The 
new guy not keen on this asks to see the next room. The next 
room has a middle aged guy being tortured with fire. 

The new guy immediately asks to see the third room. It has an 
really old guy chained to the wall getting a blow job from a 
gorgeous blonde. 

The guy jumps at the chance and takes the room. 

The devil walks into the room taps the blonde on the shoulder 
and says "okay, you can stop now.  You've been relieved". 

A different Love letter and a beautiful reply to it.

A teenage college guy sent a love letter (in Q/A format) to his classmate.

My Dearest Reshma,


Please answer the following questionnaire. For Options

(A) 10 marks,
(b) 5marks and
(c) 3 marks.


**********



1) Whenever you enter the class room, your sight always falls on me because:

(a) of love
(b) you couldn't control seeing me
(c) really ... Am I doing it?


**********

2) Whenever professor cracks joke, you laugh and turn and look at me because:

(a) you always like to see me smiling
(b) you are testing whether I like jokes
(c) you are attracted by my smile


**********

3) When you were singing in the class, I entered and immediately you stopped singing because:

(a) you are so coy to sing before me
(b) my presence influenced you
(c) you feared that whether I'll like your song


**********

4) When you were showing your childhood photo, when I asked for it, you hide it because:

(a) you felt ashamed
(b) you felt uneasy
(c) you don't know


**********

5) During trekking, myself and my friend gave you hand for lifting you and you took only my friend's because:

(a) you enjoyed my disappointment
(b) you won't feel leaving my hand after grabbing
(c) you don't know


**********

6) You were waiting yesterday for bus and didn't get into your bus...

(a) you were waiting for me
(b) you were dreaming about me and didn't notice the bus
(c) that bus was crowded


**********

7) You introduced me to your parents when they came to college because:

(a) I am going to be your groom
(b) you just want to know what your parents think about me
(c) just you felt like introducing me to them


**********

8) I told that I like girls wearing roses. Next day, you came with a rose on your head because:

(a) to fulfill my wish
(b) you like roses
(c) by chance you got a rose


**********

9) On that day, it was my birthday. You too came to temple early at 6:00 A.M because:

(a) you want to pray along with me
(b) you want to meet me before any one could meet on my birthday
(c) you want to wish me at temple because you are spiritual.


**********

If you have scored more than 40, then you are loving me. Don't delay in expressing it.


If you have scored between 30 and 40, love is budding in your heart and it's getting ready to bloom. If you have scored less than 30, you are in confusion whether to love me or not.


Eagerly awaiting your reply..


Love, Aakash


*********************



Reshma's reply letter was also in Q/A format ........


Aakash ,

Please answer the following Yes/No questionnaire.


**********

1) If somebody sits in the first row, normally people entering the class, sees them.

(a) Yes (b) No


**********

2) If a girl laughs and looks anyone, is it love?

(a) Yes (b) No


**********

3) While singing, if somebody forgets lines of the songs, will he/she stop singing or not?

(a) Yes (b) No


**********

4) I was showing to my friends (who are all girls) my childhood photo.

You poked your nose inside..... Right ?


(a) Yes (b) No


**********

5) I avoided to hold your hand during trekking. Couldn't you understand yet?

(a) Yes (b) No


**********

6) Should I not wait for my best friend (Anjali ) at the bus stand?

(a)Yes (b) No


**********

7) Shouldn't I introduce you to my parents as a friend?

(a) Yes (b) No


**********

8) You have said you also like Lotus, cauliflower, banana's flower. Is it true ?

(a) Yes (b) No


**********

9) Oh was that your birthday. That's why I could see you in temple. I come daily to Temple. Do you know ?

(a) Yes (b) No


If you have answered "Yes" to any of the question, then I am not loving you. If you have answered "No", then you don't know the meaning of Love.


Hope everything is clear to you .

Few Definitions

School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that
you can die Rich.

Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree
and a woman gains her masters.

Divorce: Future tense of Marriage.

Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by
feminine waterpower.

Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the
Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of
either"

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody
believes he got the biggest piece.

Dictionary : A place where success comes before work.

Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and
everybody disagrees later on.

Father: A banker provided by nature.

Criminal: A guy no different from the rest....except that he got
caught.

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are
early.

Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your
Confidence after.

Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read.

Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you
actually do.

Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to
decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when
dead

Why India lost World cup final 2003 ?????????

Why India lost World cup final 2003 ?????????
***********Very serious matter **********
Reason:
Just in case you were still wondering as to why India lost the final of the
2003 world cup after playing so well in the league games, probably here lies the answer.....
The teams that qualified for the super six stage...
India , Sri Lanka , Australia , New Zealand , Kenya ,Zimabawe .
Note there are two teams each from the continents of Asia ,Australasia &
Africa resp .
The teams that have the last alphabet "a" in their names qualified for the
semifinals viz.
Indi'a' , Australi'a' , Keny'a' & Sri Lank'a'.
The teams that have alphabets "ia" at the last of their name qualified for
the Final i.e
Ind "ia" & Austral"ia ".
Now,
Kisne World Cup ''lia'' - Austra"lia"
Kisne World Cup "dia" - In"dia"

वो लोग बहुत खुशकिस्मत थे

वो लोग बहुत खुशकिस्मत थे
जो इश्क को काम समझते थे
या काम से आशिकी करते थे
हम जीते जी मशरूफ* रहे
कुछ इश्क किया कुछ काम किया
काम इश्क के आड़े आता रहा
और इश्क से काम उलझता रहा
फिर आखिर तंग आकर हमने
दोनों को अधूरा छोड़ दिया

ये चाँद भी क्या हसीं सितम ढाता है
बचपन में मामा और जवानी में सनम नजर आता है

ऐ चाँद खूबसूरत !
ऐ आसमां के तारे
तुम मेरे संग जमीं पर थोड़ी सी रात गुजारो
कुछ अपनी तुम कहो
कुछ लो मेरी खबर
हो जाए दोस्ती कट जाए ये सफर

आदमी बुलबुला है पानी का
और पानी की बहती सतह पर टूटता भी है डूबता भी है
फिर उभरता है फिर से बहता है
ना समंदर निगल सका इसको , ना तवारीख तोड़ पाई है
वक्त की मौज पर सदा बहता
आदमी बुलबुला है पानी का

क्या बतायें कि जां गई कैसे ?
फिर से दोहरायें वो घड़ी कैसे ?

किसने रस्ते में चाँद रखा था
मुझको ठोकर वहाँ लगी कैसे ?

वक्त पे पाँव कब रखा हमने
जिंदगी मुँह के बल गिरी कैसे ?

आँख तो भर गई थी पानी से
तेरी तसवीर जल गई कैसे ?

हम तो अब याद भी नहीं करते
आपको हिचकी लग गई कैसे ?

तुम इतना जो मुस्करा रहे हो
क्या गम है जिसको छुपा रहे हो

आँखों में नमी हँसी लबों पर
क्या हाल है क्या दिखा रहे हो

ultimate shayari

Yoon hum ko sataane ki zaroorat kya thi,

Dil mera jalaane ki zaroorat kya thi.

Jo nahi tha ishq to keh diya hota,

Dil toor ke jaane ki zaroorat kya thi.

Maloom tha gar yeh khwaab toot jayenge,

Neend mein aa kar uthaane ki zaroorat kya thi.

Ishq par lagti rahegi har daur mein paabandi,

Ashiq ko majboor banaane ki zaroorat kya thi.

Maan loo gar yeh yak tarfa mohabbat thi,

Mujh ko dekh kar muskuraane ki zaroorat kya thi....

Krishan ji Kalyug main..

Tune 18 saal ki umar me mama Kans ko mara,
BIN LADEN ko hath laga kar to dikha …
Tune Arjun ko to Saari Geeta sunayee,
Mere Project Manager se ek baar baat kar ke to dikha …
Tune to Arjun ka Sarathi banke Pandavon ko jitaaya
Indian Cricket team ka Coach ban ke WorldCup jitaake to dikha …
Tune bhari mehfil mein draupadi ko saree pehnai,
Mallika sherawat ko ek jodi kapde pehna ke to dikha …
Tune gokul ki 1600 gopiyan patai,
Meri college ki sirf ek ladki ko pata kar to dikha …
Hey Krishna tu is kalyug mein aa kar to dikha …

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is equal to

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

Hard Work
H+A+R+D+W+O+R+K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%


Knowledge
K+N+O+W+L+E+D+G+E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%


Love
L+O+V+E
12+15+22+5 = 54%


Luck
L+U+C+K
12+21+3+11 = 47%

( don't most of us think this is the most important ??? )
Then what makes 100% ?Is it


Money ? ...
NO ! ! !
M+O+N+E+Y
13+15+14+5+25 = 72%


Leadership ? ...
NO ! ! !
L+E+A+D+E+R+S+H+I+P
12+5+1+4+5+18+19+9+16 = 89%
.
.
.
.
.
.
Every problem has a solution,
only if we perhaps change our attitude.
To go to the top,to that 100% ,what we really need to go further... a bit more...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
ATTITUDE
A+T+T+I+T+U+D+E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

It is OUR ATTITUDE towards Life and Work that makes OUR Life 100% ! ! !

Cool College Life (Memories only)

Today shayari

Paane se khone ka maza aur hai…
Bandh aankhon main rone ka maza aur hai…
Aansoo bane lafz aur lafz bane ghazal…
aur uss ghazal main tere hone ka maza aur hai…

Na jane uspar itna Yakin qu hai...
Uska khayal itna hasin qu hai....
Suna hai pyar ka dard meetha hota hai...
To fir aankho se nikala aansu namkeen qu hai??????

YAADO KA KYA KAHE, KAHO TO HAR MOD PE DHOKA DETI HAIN,
MANO TO HAR WAQT SATH REHTI HAIN...
KEHNE KO TO LAKHON KI BHEED ME BHI TANHA KAR DETI HAIN,
PAR TANHAAI ME BHI YAADE HI SATH DETI HAIN ..

Kabhi sonchti hoon ki waqt ke galiyaare me
yaadon ke deep le kar nikal jaoon aur
Jaa kar chhoo paoon us lamhe ko
Jab tumko pehlee baar dekha thaa..

YAAD WO NAHIN JO TANHAI MEIN AATI HAI,
YAAD WO NAHIN JO RUSWAI MAIN AATI HAI,
YAAD TO WO HAI JO LAKHON KI BHEED MEIN TANHA KAR JATI HAI....

Dost rukhsat ho jate hain ,
Par kuch yaadon ke daayre ban jate hain,
Bhool jana to insaan ki fitrat hai ,
Par kuch khaas log yaadon me bas jate hai…. "

Usse Naa bulana Mere Janaje main…
Mohabbat ki Tauheen Hogi…!!
Main 4 logo ke kandho par jaa raha hounga….
Or meri jaan…..meri jaan…paidal chal rahi hogi..!!!!

Ye aansu Bhi Kambakht Ek Pareshani hain...
Khushi Aur Gam Dono Ki Nishani Hain...
Samjhne Walon Ke Liye Anmol...
Aur Na Samjhne Walon Ke Liye Sirf Pani Hain..........

Shayari

Humko bataya tha unhone ek baar
Ki unko sirf ujaale hii bhaate hain
Kahin vo darr na jayein andhere mein
Is liye roshni ke liye hum dil jalaate hain.....!!!


Yaadon ki keemat wo kya jane,
jo khud yaado ko mita diya karte hain,
yaado ka matlab to humse puncho,
jo yaado ke sahare jindgi jiya karte hain......!!

Maine bhi kisi se pyar kiya,
Magar izhaar deri se kiya.
Usi galti ki saza kant raha hun,
Unko chahkar bhi bhula nahi pata,
Samne aate he toh Aankhe mila nahi pata.... !!!!


Roye Hai Buhat Tab Zara Karaar Mila Hai
Is Jahan Mein kise Bhala Sacha Pyaar Mila Hai..
Guzar rahi hai zindagi Imtehan ke daur se
Ek khatam Hua Toh Dusra Tayar Mila Hai
Mere Damaan ko khushiyo ka nahi Malaal
Gham ka khazana jo isko beshumar mila hai
Woh kamnasib hai jinhe mehboob mil gaya
Mein KhushNaseeb hun mujhe Intezar mila hai ....!!!!

Today funny Shayari

Doobe hua hamare sitare hain,
Kya gam hi naseeb mein hamare hain?
Tair rahe hain thak kar bhi,
Isi ummed mein ke dariya-e-gham ke bhi kahin kinaare hain,
Jaane kab khushi ka saamnaa hoga,
Jahan tak nazar jaati hai bas bebasi ke hi nazaare hain….
hum sirf aapke sahaare hai…… hum sirf aapke sahaare hai..


log har mod pe ruk ruk ke sambhalte kyun hain,
itna darte hain to phir ghar se nikalte kyun hain.
main na jugnu hun diya hun na koi tara hun,
roshni wale mere nam se jalte kyun hain.
nind se mera talluq hi nahin barson se,
khwab aake meri chat pe tahalte kyun hain.
mod hota hai jawani ka sambhalne ke liye,
aur sab log yahin ake phisalte kyun hain.


Mohabbat me hum mashoor kya huwe..
har harkat humari deewangi lagnay lagi..
lafz jo niklay haal-e-dil ka bayan karne ,
zamane ko har wo baat shahyari lagnay lagi


Ghalib sun! yeh duniya hai… duniya!,
duniya meiN ghum chhupanA padta hai,
dil main chahe lakh ghum ho,
mehfil meiN muskarAna hi padta hai


AshkoN ko humne kayi baar roka,
phir bhi na jane kyoN ankheN dhoka de gayi,
Bharosa to tha hameiN apne aap par magar,
unka zikr aate hi naa jane kyoN palkeN nam ho gayi.


Dilon se khelne ka hunar hume nahi aata
Isiliye ishq ki baazi hum haar gaye
Meri zindagi se shayad unhe bahut pyar tha
Isiliye mujhe zinda hi maar gaye….


Raat ankho me dhaLi palkon par jugnu aye
hum hawao ki tarah jakar use chuh aye
usne chuh kar mujhe pathar se insan kiya
mudhaton baad meri ankho me ansu aye


Zindagi mein ek haseen galti kar baithe
Hum nadani mein pyar kar baithe
Dil ko apne khud thokar maar baithe
Ek bewafaa se murhum ki umeed kar baithe


Barbaad kar gaye woh zindagi pyaar ke naam pe,
Bewafai mili hume wafa ke naam pe,
Aise zakham de gaye woh dawa ke naam pe,
Khuda bhi ro pada meri mohobbat ke anjaam pe!!!!!!!!!!


Kadam - Kadam pe hawaon se taalluk rakhna
Dost ke daur pe dosti ka asra rakhna
Hamari yaadon ki khusboo jarur aayegi
Bas apne dil ka darwaza khula rakhna!!

40 Funny Quotes and Thoughts

"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"

"It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper."

"If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark."

"Computers will never take the place of books. You can't stand on a floppy disk to reach a high shelf."

"An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing."

"Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do?Turn out the lights!"

"I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier."

"The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things."

"I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

"Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else."

"When your dreams turn to dust, it's time to vacuum."

"Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back. "

"It's better to have loved and lost than to do forty pounds of laundry a week."

"Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills. Making the last car payment."

"They've finally come up with the perfect office computer.If it makes a mistake,it blames another computer."

"Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak."

"The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.But not in that order"

"When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half."

"Money isn't everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children."

"Compatible Your money fits in the salesperson's wallet."

"When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?".If the bus came would I be standing here?"

"Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use."

"There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side."

"Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times."

"Doing nothing is very hard to do, you never know when you're finished. "

"Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference."

"Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. "

"We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped on our butt then things get worse."

"It's always darkest before dawn So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. "

"The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office"

"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early."

"The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot; The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius. "

"If our constitution allows us free speech, why are there phone bills?"

"You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark? "

"Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy."

"If you can't convince them, confuse them."

"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying."

"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.";

shayari Collection

MANZILE BHI USKI THI,

RASTA BHI USKA THA.

EK MAIN AKELA THA, KAFILA BI USKA THA..

SATH-SATH CHALNE KI SOCH BI USKI THI,

FIR RAASTA BADALNE KA FAISLA BHI USKA THA...?..??..?

NA WOH KHUSHI DETI HAI NA WOH GAM DETI HAI;

NA WOH HASNE DETI HAI NA WOH RONE DETI HAI;

NA WOH DAWA DETI HAI NA WOH DARD DETI HAI;

NA WOH SAATH DETI HAI NA WOH CHOOD DETI HAI;

YEH TERI HI YAADEIN HAI,

JO NA JINE DETI HAI NA MARNE DETI HAI......?..??..?

DILO KO KHRIDNE WALE HAZAR MIL JAYEGE,

AAP KO DAGA DENE WALE BAR-BAR MIL JAYEGE,

MILEGA NA AAPKO HUM JESA KOI,

MILNE KO TO DOST BESHUMAR MIL JAYEGE.?..??..?

APNE HAATHON KE LAKEERON MEIN BASALE MUJHKO,

MAIN TERA HOON APNA BANA LE MUJHKO,

AGAR PHOOL HOON THO BAALON MEIN SAJHA LE MUJHKO,

AGAR KANTA HOON THO MUJHSE BACHALE KHUDKO...

YAAD KARTA HOON TUMHE YAAD AATI HI NAI...

KAISE AAYAE WOH CHEEZ JO JAATI HI NAHI!!!

TUM MUJHE BHOOL BHI JAAO TO YE HAQ HAI TUMKO

MERI BAAT AUR HAI MAINE TO MOHABBAT KI HAI!!!!

JUDAI KA PATA HOTA AGAR PYAAR SE PEHLE,

TO MAUT KI DUYA MANGTE HUM DEEDAR SE PEHLE!!!

PEETE HAIN SHARAAB HUM JINHE BHULANE KE LIYE

WO HI AA JAATE HAIN YAAD HAMEN RULANE KE LIYE

MANZILON PE AAKE LUT-TE HAIN DILON KE KARVAAN

KASHTIYAN SAAHIL PE AAKE DOBTI HAIN PYAR KI...!!

ABKEY BICHDEY PHIR SHAYAD KHUABON MEIN MILEIN..

SOOKHEY HUEY PHOOL JAISEY KITAABON MEIN MILEIN.

DAULAT E DARD KO DUNIYA SE CHUPA KAR RAKHO...

AANKH MEIN AANSU NAH HO AUR DIL MEIN SAMANDAR RAKHO!!!

AAJ TERI YAAD AAYI TO AANSU NIKAL AYE

DIL AAJ BHI YEH SOCHTA HAI

TUM KYON NA HUMEIN MIL PAYE!!!!

WAFA KA NAAM NA LO YARON,

WAFA DIL KO DUKAHATI HAI.

WAFA KA NAAM LETE HI,

HUME EK BEWAFA KI YAAD AATI HAI..!!

AAP GAIRON KI BAAT KARTE HAIN,

HUMNE APNO KO AAJMAYA HAI!

LOG KATOAN SE BACHKAR CHALTE HAIN,

HUMNE FOOLOAN SE JAKHM KHAYA HAI!!

USKO CHAHA BHI TO IQRAAR KARNA NA AAYA,

KAT GAYI UMR, HAMEIN PYAR KARNA NA AAYA,

USNEY MAANGA BHI AGAR KUCH TO MAANGI JUDAAI,

AUR EK HUM THAY KE INKAAR KARNA NA AAYA!!!!

RAAT KI TANHAI MEIN UNKO AWAAZ DIYA KARTE HAIN

RAAT MEIN SITAARON SE UNKA ZIKRE KIYA KARTE HAIN,

WOH AYEN YA NA AYEN HUMARE KHWABON MEIN

HUM TOH BUS UNHI KA INTEZAAR KIYA KARTE HAIN !!!!!

HO CHUKI MULAKAAT ABHI SALAAM BAAKI HAI

TUMHARE NAAM KI DO GHOONT SHARAAB BAKI HAI,

TUMKO MUBARAK HO KHUSHIYOON KA SHAMYAANA

MERE NASEEB ME ABHI DO GAZ ZAMEEN BAKI HAI!!!!

HAR INKAAR TERE IKRAAR SE AACHA HOGA

MERA HAR DIN TERI US RAAT SE AACHA HOGA,

NA HO YAKIN TO JHAAK LENA APNI DOLI SE

MERA JANAZA TERI BAARAT SE AACHA HOGA!!!!

BAHOT KOSHISH KI MAGAR NA BHULA PAAYA MAIN TUJHKO,

YAAD TUMHARI SATATI RAHI, CHAEN BHI NA AAYA MUJHKO,

SOTE WAQT BHI CHEHRA SAAMNE NAZAR AAYE,

KYA MIL-JAYEGA MUJHKO PYAR MERA,

BAS YAHEE SOCHTE SOCHTE RAAT GUZAR JAYE. !!!

PHER LETE HAIN NAZAR, DIL SE BHULA DETE HAIN

KYA YUN HI LOG WAFAON KA SILA DETE HAIN,

WADA KIYA THA PHIR BHI NA AAYE MAZAR PAR

HUMNE TO JAAN DI THI ISI AITBAAR PAR,

KYON BHULA DIYA HUMEIN, KYON DIL SE GIRA DIYA

HUM TO YUN HI MARE HUYE THE, AAP KE INKAAR PAR!!!!

SOCHA NA THAA TERI ULFAT MEY AISEE THOKAR KHAAYENGE

PYAR KEE DUNIYA MEY SAANS LENE SEY PAHLE HI MAR JAAYENGE

AB PATAA CHALA KE ISHQ EK KHEL HAI KOI JASBAAT NAHI

AUR KITNEY DIL YAHA JEETE AUR HAAREY JAAYENGE

CHAHTA TAU HU MAGAR AASAAN NAHI TUJE BHOOLNA

TERI YAADON KE SAHARE YUHI DIN KAT TEY JAAYENGE!!!!!

HAME BHI PYAAR KARNE KA KHAYAL AAYA,

JAB BHI YE KHAYAL AAYA KHUD KO AKELA PAYA,

DHOONDTE RAHE IS DUNIYA MEIN HAMSAFAR,

KISI KO DHOKEBAAZ TO KISI KO BEWAFA PAYA !!!!!

DARD-E-GUM

Saza dene wale raza puchte hai....

Jeene ki hum se wajah puchte hai....

Dete hai khud hi zeher hume....

Aur aakar fir “kitna hua hai asar” puchte hai……….!!!

Kissi ke waade par zindagi tabah kar baithe....

Diwangi me ye kaisa gunah kar baithe....

Ek CHAND ki aarzoo ke liye....

Hum apni hasin raaton ko `FANAAH` kar baithe.... !!!

Wo dhundte rahe hume Dagar-Dagar. ...

Shayad unhe humari talash thi....

Par afsoos jis kabar par the unke kadam....

Ussi me humari laash thi..!!

Apni Dhadkano ki aawaz suni hai maine....

Apni aankhon se koi baat kahi hai maine....

Bas ek didaar ke liye khud ko sambhale baithe hai....

Naa jaane ishq me kaun si raah chuni hai maine…!!!

Koi rok naa paayi jise lambi dagar bhi....

Ab thaka deta usse zara sa safar bhi....!!!

Mehfil na sahi tanhai to milti hai....

Milna na sahi judaii to milti hai....

Kaun kehta hai pyaar me kuch nahi milta....

Wafa na sahi be-wafaii to milti hai ……….!!

Parindon ko milegi manzil ek din,

Ye fele hue unke par bolte hain,

Khamosh rehte hain duniya me vo log,

Zamane me jinke hunar bolte hain.........!!!!!

Dard- E-Gum

Saza dene wale raza puchte hai....

Jeene ki hum se wajah puchte hai....

Dete hai khud hi zeher hume....

Aur aakar fir “kitna hua hai asar” puchte hai……….!!!

Kissi ke waade par zindagi tabah kar baithe....

Diwangi me ye kaisa gunah kar baithe....

Ek CHAND ki aarzoo ke liye....

Hum apni hasin raaton ko `FANAAH` kar baithe.... !!!

Wo dhundte rahe hume Dagar-Dagar. ...

Shayad unhe humari talash thi....

Par afsoos jis kabar par the unke kadam....

Ussi me humari laash thi..!!

Apni Dhadkano ki aawaz suni hai maine....

Apni aankhon se koi baat kahi hai maine....

Bas ek didaar ke liye khud ko sambhale baithe hai....

Naa jaane ishq me kaun si raah chuni hai maine…!!!

Koi rok naa paayi jise lambi dagar bhi....

Ab thaka deta usse zara sa safar bhi....!!!

Mehfil na sahi tanhai to milti hai....

Milna na sahi judaii to milti hai....

Kaun kehta hai pyaar me kuch nahi milta....

Wafa na sahi be-wafaii to milti hai ……….!!

Parindon ko milegi manzil ek din,

Ye fele hue unke par bolte hain,

Khamosh rehte hain duniya me vo log,

Zamane me jinke hunar bolte hain.........!!!!!

IT Shayari

jab mile thhe....
to dil mein hua ek sound.
Aur aaj mile to kehte hain...
your file not found! *

Jo muddat se hota aaya hai,
woh repeat kar doonga...
Tu naa mili to apni zindagi
ctrl+alt+delete kar doonga...


Shayad mere pyar ko
taste karna bhool gaye...
Dil sey aisa cut kiya
ke paste karna bhool gaye...

Laakhon honge nigaah mein
kabhi mujhe bhi pick karo...
Mere pyaar ke icon pe
kabhi to double-click karo...

Roz subha hum karte hain
pyar se unhe good morning...
Woh aise ghoor ke dekti hain
jaise 0 errors aur 5 warning...


Aisa bhi nahin hai ke
I don't like your face.
Par dil ke storage mein
No more disk space.


Ghar se jab tum nikale
pehen ke reshmi gown.
Jaane kitne dilon ka
ho gaya Server down

Great sentences by great people.....................must read

Great sentences by great people....



1. IN A DAY, WHEN YOU DON'T COME ACROSS ANY PROBLEMS - YOU CAN BE SURE THAT
YOU ARE TRAVELLING IN A WRONG PATH - SWAMI VIVEKANANDA




2. 3 SENTENCES FOR GETTING SUCCESS
a) KNOW MORE THAN OTHER
B) WORK MORE THAN OTHER
C) EXPECT LESS THAN OTHER - WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE




3.IF YOU WIN YOU NEED NOT EXPLAIN ... BUT IF YOU LOSE YOU SHOULD NOT BE
THERE TO EXPLAIN - ADOLPH HITLER




4)DON'T COMPARE YOURSELF WITH ANYONE IN THIS WORLD .IF YOU DO SO, YOU ARE
INSULTING YOURSELF - ALEN STRIKE




5)IF WE CANNOT LOVE THE PERSON WHOM WE SEE,HOW CAN WE LOVE GOD,WHOM WE
CANNOT SEE ? --- MOTHER THERESA




6)NO MAN IS RICH ENOUGH TO BUY HIS PAST - - OSCAR WILDE




7) IF YOU WANT REAL PEACE DON'T TALK TO YOUR FRIENDS , TALK WITH YOUR
ENEMIES - - - MOTHER THERESA




8) WINNING DOESN'T ALWAYS MEAN BEING FIRST , WINNING MEANS YOU'RE DOING
BETTER THAN YOU'VE DONE BEFORE - - - BONNIE BLAIR




9) EVERYONE THINKS OF CHANGING THE WORLD , BUT NO ONE THINKS OF CHANGING
HIMSELF . - - - LEO TOLSTOY




10) I WILL NOT SAY I FAILED 1000 TIMES , I WILL SAY THAT I DISCOVERED THERE
ARE 1000 WAYS THAT CAN CAUSE FAILURE - - THOMAS EDISON




11) BELIEVING EVERYBODY IS DANGEROUS; BELIEVING NOBODY IS VERY DANGEROUS --
ABRAHAM LINCOLN




12) LOVE YOUR JOB BUT NEVER FALL IN LOVE WITH YOUR COMPANY BECAUSE YOU NEVER
KNEW WHEN IT STOPS LOVING YOU ... - - ABDUL KALAM




13) IF SOMEONE FEELS THAT THEY HAD NEVER MADE A MISTAKE IN THEIR LIFE,THEN
IT MEANS THEY HAD NEVER TRIED A NEW THING IN THEIR LIFE - - - - - EINSTEIN




14) NEVER BREAK FOUR THINGS IN YOUR LIFE

TRUST ,PROMISE,RELATION,HEART BECAUSE WHEN THEY BREAK THEY DON'T MAKE
NOISE BUT PAINS A LOT - CHARLES




15) IF YOU START JUDGING PEOPLE YOU WILL BE HAVING NO TIME TO LOVE THEM - -
- - - MOTHER THERESA